The Yin and Yang of the Social World [Gonneth and Tylar]

IC TIME: Mid-Spring
IC SETTING: A pleasantly warm day on the shores of the lake

The lake...it seemed so peaceful, with the weather finally warming up more and more every day. And being early enough in the day that not many people were there, it was the perfect place for Gonneth to settle himself in for a little while and work on strategy stuff.

He felt like he'd been sitting around doing absolutely nothing for months - not counting taking care of Belenth, of course - but sometimes it seemed like even that never really happened. He hadn't been able to strategize at all for months, and he was glad he had the chance; he could feel Belenth slumbering peacefully in the back of his mind.

He sat down cross-legged on the sandy shores and spread three boards out in front of him - one was a chess board; that was easy enough to tell. But the others were quite different. One looked like a massive grid of pegholes, with the corners filled in and the edge-bordering rows separated by red and black lines; the other one also looked like a grid of crisscrossing black lines, and came with a sack full of smooth, very round black and white stones. He stared at them both for a moment before setting a tower-shaped piece - a rook - on the chess board, placing a red peg vaguely in the center of the gridlike board and a smooth white stone on the other gridlined board.

Then, he watched.

To most others, nothing would be happening. To others, Gonneth looked a fool, staring at three different games at once with no opponents in sight. But he knew. He was watching different games flash before his eyes - nothing actually happening, but various pieces appearing where an invisible opponent moved them, and then his next moves, and the opponents' next moves, and so on - and he would watch these games for anywhere from two or three to upwards of 15 turns into the games on occasion. Every so often, he would move the pieces around, or in the case of the chess game he would also swap out for different pieces in different places, and he just watched. Belenth still slumbered peacefully in the back of Gonneth's furiously working mind. Life seemed good, just at this. Gonneth thought idly to himself that he could enjoy this for the rest of his life...

That nagging feeling tugged at the back of his head again, and he sighed. He'd been feeling that for a few weeks now, and he couldn't explain why. It felt like...a longing, of some sort. He put it out of his mind for the time being and continued to watch the games. As a man of strategy, he had to be ready to make strategies on the fly in case he needed to for a threadfall. So he sat there, furiously working his mind, stretching the long-unused muscles in his head...and relearning old tricks he had taught himself. This was all he needed...for now.

Tiny waves lapped over Tylar's bare feet while she sat at the very edge of the lake, staring into its translucent surface. Things were all just...overwhelming right now, and she wasn't sure she understood why. Things had happened...she'd done things she hadn't meant to do. It shouldn't bother her, and maybe it wouldn't if things weren't so backwards anyway. Why it felt that way she couldn't precisely say, but things were just...different. She had realized the other day how little time she'd spent with Aria in the past months, which was so unusual because despite their differences she loved spending time with her cousin. And she felt different from how she had before, before everything...Impressing Wynnfrith, and...growing.

And Wynnfrith wasn't even angry at her. Wynnfrith hated it when Tylar did anything ostentatious or flamboyant in anyway; she didn't even like the greenrider being with more than two people at a time. And here Tylar had gone getting drunk and screwing with someone she didn't know, and Wynnfrith wasn't mad at her. What had happened with Roridyn hadn't been meant to happen, she'd never expected...When she'd gone wandering out she'd only wanted to get away and forget, forget about her green's ill frailty and the difficulty of everything...And she'd gotten drunk and bedded the man.

A year ago she wouldn't have thought twice about it. Sometimes you just got drunk, and that was okay. Sometimes it meant you did something naughty and that was okay too. Mistakes happened and were to be left behind with a wave of your hand. Or at least, so she'd used to think. She certainly hadn't been thinking about consequences that night; she hadn't even been very guilty about it the morning afterwards, just afraid of getting into trouble with Wynnfrith. Of course, the hangover kind of left little room for guilt.

But things had apparently changed in the past year, without her realizing it. A year without any sort of messing around, and the first time she did something it made her wilt with guilt. Tylar shouldn't have done it, she knew she shouldn't've. She'd fully expected a telling-off from Wynnfrith for it, but the green hadn't paid up. For some reason, it only made her more guilty. Sure, Wynnfrith wasn't particularly happy about it, but she wasn't blaming her rider either. Why not? Tylar deserved the scolding she hadn't gotten.

It was, she thought, the very fact it bothered her so much that made her the most confused. Such a thing had never bothered her unduly before. Why should it now? Having sex was okay. It was fun. It didn't mean you got into a relationship with whoever you messed around with, though sometimes you did. Mostly it was for fun. Last night it had been for fun. And now ,that just wasn't okay with her. Then what is okay? Why was that suddenly bad when it had never been before?

Maybe because of the green currently curled up next to her. Wynnfrith had taught her something, Tylar realized. Taught her responsibility. Taught her by actions, not words, the value of relationships, the foolishness of doing something for the sake of it. Her shyness had pulled some of the recklessness out of the greenrider. It wasn't me, it was you, the green protested softly. Tylar sighed, resting her chin in her hands and staring at the lake. I don't even know if the change is a good thing. It certainly made things more confusing.

Of course it's a good thing, Wynnfrith protested, trailing her tail down Tylar's back comfortingly. She may not be nearly as big as any of her siblings, but in 12 months the green sure had grown, to her rider's relief. I'm beginning to think I'm not the only one who's changed she thought back, changing the subject. You wouldn't have the courage to protest a year ago. Wynnfrith didn't answer, but Tylar could feel her brooding. We're so different...and we've compromised. But, she thought suddenly, coming back to what bothered her, not enough for you to be okay with what I did with Roridyn. Why aren't you mad at me? The question was almost plaintive. She had to know.

Because it was my fault you did it in the first place, and you were already beating yourself up about it. And still are. I'm not happy about it, Tylar, I wish it hadn't happened. But I'm not going to make things worse for you. For a long moment the pair was silent, then Tylar leaned over to hug Wynnfrith - or rather, hug Wynnfrith's leg ,the easiest thing to reach. I love you. She still felt bad, but not as bad.

There was a party happening up at the Living Quarters, she remembered. She should go; it would be fun. But the interest she mustered up was vague and halfhearted. Wow, she actually didn't want to go. That wasn't like her. Or maybe it is. How do I know anymore? Who was she now? Not the same person as a year or two ago, but not different either. Where did she stand? Was she just going to keep changing until she was unrecognizable, or would she stop? Did she want to stop?

Tylar didn't know. She just didn't know. And Wynnfrith didn't have an answer for her.

Gonneth was watching his 17th game of everything play out - or was it the 19th? He didn't remember. It had been far too long since he looked at the games and planned.

Mine, so this is where you are!

Gonneth looked up, startled, as his brown dragon flew over the lake and landed nearby. I'd wondered what was going on that you were thinking like that. Strange thoughts, mine, very strange thoughts. Did you see that girl over there? Sitting there with her dragon? I didn't really like the looks of her very much, mine. She seems too sad, she does.
Gonneth looked up at his brown, Belenth, and it took him a minute to sort out the torrent of gossip-like words flowing through his mind at lightning speed. "W-W-W-What...what g-girl, Belenth?" Gonneth asked. Before Belenth could answer, he peered around his dragon, and saw her.

He recognized the girl...Tylar, he thought her name was. She was his exact opposite...or so he'd thought. Why was she so...sulky? She didn't seem the kind of person to ever be sulky at all. And there she was, her green dragon-
Wynnfrith, Belenth added in with a tone of helpfulness.
-with Wynnfrith curled up beside her, and she looked sad. Go see what's wrong, a voice inside him said. It's the polite thing to do.

Don't be silly, another voice protested. You know how you are around people! Don't make a fool out of your-

Both voices were drowned out. Gonneth didn't want to hear himself arguing with himself. He knew the best thing to do.

So a few seconds later, he had seated himself near Tylar - not too close, but close enough for conversation at least - and watched her for a moment, not sure what to say.

"U-Umm...E-Excuse me..." he started. The first time he'd ever started a conversation with someone he barely knew. He'd celebrate later...somehow. E-E-Excuse m-me, but...b-but I...I was w-w-wo-wondering...I was wondering why you...why you seemed so s-sad." He paused, not sure how to append that, but pressed himself on. "Y-You...you always s-s-seemed...you always seemed so lively....a-a-a-are you o-o-okay?"

For several minutes Tylar simply sat and stared out across the lake, having managed to push all thought from her mind. Thoughts were troubling at this moment, and she'd rather rid herself of them - though that was the same reason she'd given for getting drunk a few nights ago, though the thoughts then had been about Wynnfrith and her sickness. Thankfully she'd pretty much recovered by now. Great. Now they just had to hold tight until she got sick again. But those were bad thoughts, the same kind of thoughts she was trying to avoid. Just stare at the lake...it'd be warm, if she wanted to swim, but she wasn't quite in the mood...or was she? Swimming would be a nice distraction, and it was something she enjoyed, but she hadn't brought a towel with her and would rather not air-dry today...yes, it was warmer than it had been this spring, but not warm enough to make that sort of thing enjoyable.

Wynnfrith enjoyed the water, too. Swimming was something like flying, Tylar would suspect, only flying was better. Alicia had said she wouldn't be able to ride on her green, but she'd been wrong. She could ride Wynnfrith, of course she could, even if with the green's joint problems she couldn't fly for as long as other dragons. Flying - flying, Flying. Would Wynnfrith be able to Rise? The Geneticists had warned her that she might not, but Tylar didn't really trust them - what reason did she have? They'd proven rather ignorant, for all their strutting about. After all, they'd thrown her out, and she'd still Impressed! They'd told her and Aria that the twins wouldn't survive their first year, but they had. Why should she trust their judgment?

But what if they were right on this? Wynnfrith didn't have the stamina for extended flights, and from what Tylar had seen the Rises tended to be rather long. Of course, none of the greens had Risen yet - only golds. Maybe it was different. And if she couldn't, was that a good thing or a bad thing? Of course the greenrider wanted her dragon to be happy, and get a mate and everything, but what about the effect it had on her? She could hardly stand to be in the Caldera when a gold Flew, so how much worse would it be if or when her own dragon rose to mate?

And she was back to the forbidden subject, the thing she didn't really want to think about. Tylar was discovering just how hard it was to avoid a topic you didn't want to think about when you were alone with your thoughts. It always seemed to circle back to it, somehow.

Abruptly, she became aware that there was someone near her. What made her sense it she wasn't sure, but she knew that someone had approached. She twisted around, and saw a very nervous-looking man sitting close to her - but carefully not-too-close, she noticed. Didn't he ride one of Wynnfrith's brothers? The shy one? Her suspicions were confirmed when he started speaking; yes, this was the shy one all right, the one that couldn't speak without stuttering. The one with the dragon-ish name...Go-th, Goddeth...Gonneth! Gonneth of....Brown Belenth Wynnfrith added helpfully. Tylar glanced at her, surprised at her mild tone. Usually she'd be asking to leave the moment she saw someone approaching, but today she hadn't even told her Gonneth was coming. I think it will help you to talk to someone, the green explained shortly.

Well, okay. Tylar wasn't going to shy away from the one time her green was actually asking her to be sociable. Though it seemed inconceivable that Gonneth would ever be the one to approach her or anyone - he couldn't even talk without stammering. She managed to extract from his handicapped speech that she looked sad when she usually looked lively, and he wanted to know if she was okay. Well, that was nice of him, she supposed. "Well, it's a day of surprises," she commented blandly. "I'm sad and you've started a conversation. No offense, of course."

For a long moment she paused, not sure what to do. Did she want to tell him what was wrong? It was rather personal, and he probably wasn't expecting her to load all her crap on him, but...Well, she did kind of want to talk about it. Maybe a male would be able to give advice? And if it made her feel better...

"I've just been...bewildered, I guess." She shrugged, unconsciously shifting a bit closer to him so he could hear her without anyone who happened to pass by doing the same. She glanced at the large brown curled up nearby. "You know Wynnfrith's..condition." Of course he did. Who didn't? The fact that he'd Impressed at the same hatching meant he'd probably seen them hatch, anyway. "She got really sick recently, and I thought she might, well...not make it. But she did, and I was so relieved...but I also worried. What if she's forever getting sick? Am I just counting the seasons till she doesn't recover? It all went through my head that night...I hadn't been sleeping much, and well...I wanted to forget. So I got up and ended up nicking some alcohol from the kitchens. I just grabbed the first bottle I saw. I didn't know it'd be...strong..." She faltered for a moment, closing her eyes. She was so stupid and thoughtless. If she hadn't had the damn drink...

"I went back outside and drunk some of it...it was strong, and after about half the bottle I stopped. I didn't want anymore. I went inside to put it back...but there was a guy there, and, well, I let him have some of the alcohol too, and...we got really drunk. And...I went back to his place with him." She stopped; Gonneth could probably guess what had happened from there. Staring at the ground, she went on. "I mean, I know that's okay now, what I did - it won't hurt them anymore." She jerked her head in the general direction of their dragons. "But it makes me feel really guilty that I did that, which is just...not me!" Everything she'd been thinking was suddenly tumbling out of her mouth as if a floodgate had been opened. "And that's it! I'm not me! A year ago I didn't give a shell! I got drunk sometimes, and sometimes things came of it I didn't expect, and that was a part of life! It never bothered me. I didn't care, and now I do. And if I'd had Wyn back then, and she wasn't angry at me, I'd be just as glad for it, and just go on.

"But now I'm guilty, and I do care. I can't stop feeling bad about it, and Wyn tells me that she's okay with it, and that makes me feel worse, not better, and what sense does that make? I guess I'm just...not sure who I am anymore. I never asked to change, I never wanted to change, and now that I have, I'm not sure if I like it. Am I just going to keep changing till I can't recognize myself? I guess I just don't know what to do about it all. How do you stop something you don't see happening?"

Finally Tylar seemed out of words, and she hung her head, breathing deeply. Okay, she had not meant to unload the entire contents of her brain on this antisocialist she barely knew. She risked a look up, and saw a very stunned-looking Gonneth staring at her. Great, she'd probably scared him away now. "Sorry," she muttered, shrugging. "Guess you didn't expect that much. Thanks for listening, anyway." This day was so weird. 'Embarrassed' was ranked about the same on her emotions scale as 'sad' - not something you saw very often. And Tylar didn't care if her coming change of topic was ridiculously transparent, because it was pretty much meant to be.

"How's Belenth?"

Gonneth listened with increasing awe as Tylar - he thought that was her name - suddenly began to vent. About her dragon, and how she'd been changing, and...he swallowed at some of the things she mentioned. Why should they make him nervous though, he wondered?

When she finally finished, she apologized for ranting at him. Immediately Gonneth stammered, "O-Oh, d-d-don't worry about it," the words slipping out of his lips far faster than he'd meant them to, lips he licked nervously. "I-I-I don't m-mind....listening to people."

When she asked how his dragon was, Belenth was the one who answered. I'm doing well, thanks! How about you, and my sister? he asked. I hope you're doing alright, sister. If you guys need anything, mine can help you out! He's always helping people out, even if I tell him I don't think he should... That last came with more than a hint of disappointment.

Gonneth looked at Belenth, then back to Tylar, and said "H-H-He's....f-f-f-f-f-fine, usually....he usually.....he usually says wher-...whatever he feels like....whatever h-he feels l-like saying.....n-n-no matter what, b-b-but I think....I think that...I think that that grew on me." He shifted a little where he sat. "B-but....i-if I can say th-this........I...I-I-I....I think that w-w-we're all changing.....we're all changing now that...we've Impressed. I-I-I mean...l-l-look a-at me. I....I'm s-s-starting a c-conversation. I-I think th-these things....these th-th-things are just b-b-bound to happen, since....bound to happen, since we Impressed."

Wow, this is actually going better than I thought it would, for just going off and doing something without thinking like this, Gonneth thought to himself. I wonder what will come of this?

Gonneth sounded, Tylar thought, like one of Earth's old movies with Porky Pig on fast-forward. The little cartoon pig that always stuttered and spoke fast anyway? That was him. Then again, she shouldn't make fun of him - he had just listened to her blathering, after all, and wasn't poking fun at her. She supposed a stutter wasn't exactly something he could help, and he was naturally shy, like she was naturally sociable. Usually, anyway. But then again, here she was moping by herself and here he was starting a conversation by himself, so what did she know?

Nothing, obviously, and she was beginning to realize it. Tylar knew absolutely nothing.

"I-I-I don't m'mind...listening to people." She bet; he never talked, so he must listen. It was funny, how complete opposites they were; she a happy little socialist who never shut up and him an cripplingly shy strategist that never spoke. No wonder they'd not met before; the structures of association practically forbade it.

Her question was met with a male voice bouncing around inside her head, one quite different from Wynnfrith's familiar quiet one. Belenth, of course; who else?"Not bad, I suppose, Belenth," she answered, grinning up at him. "Better since your rider came over. You should stop telling him not to help people." It was true; having someone to talk to always helped, even if she hadn't realized it would this time. Of course it helped, this is Tylar after all. Yours did help Tylar, Wynnfrith purred quietly, She needed it. Thank you. And that was all she said; she still believed that Tylar needed someone to talk to, but the worst was over and she was starting to feel cramped from even two others being near.

The greenrider had been listening to her dragon speaking, thinking wryly that some things never changed...You can leave if you like, Wyn, she mentally sighed, but received a wordless rebuke that leaving now was impolite. Wynnfrith's style was to stay away in the first place, not leave belatedly. Then Gonneth spoke, and she focused on him, relaxing her pent-up position as she did so, tucking her legs underneath her where they felt much better after having been folded to her chest for a time.

"Sounds like me," Tylar acknowledged in response to Gonneth's statement that Belenth said whatever he felt like saying. "I guess you're right." They were all changing, weren't they? Impressing changed a lot, after all; suddenly you weren't on your own, you had someone else forever with you. How could you not change under such circumstances? They were going to rub off on you, and vice versa. Tylar had to admit it made sense. "Well, I say good for you. You need to get out more, Gonneth," she teased, grinning; already she was feeling better. One thing about the tiny girl, she bounced back fast.

A thought occurred to her, and she glanced at where the brownrider had been sitting. All she could make out were a few thin rectangular things on the ground. "So here's a question: what do you to with yourself? If you don't spend time with other people? How do you amuse yourself?" For Tylar, her way of amusing herself was being with other people, so she was curious as to what this abstract boy did for fun.