Please help me; I can't stop myself((Aria and Tiaholt))

IC Time: Month 9 Late Winter
IC Setting: Therma Lake/after the flit/dragonet hatching

Tiaholt was absently picking up stuff that didn't belong to her. It was second nature...instinct. She was at the lake doing her routine that she was so used to doing. If she knew what she was doing, she would have stopped. She needed help. She knew that. She had to be re-training -not- to taking things that didn't belong to her and that could take time. How long? That remains to be seen. What was she doing out here? Because she has no real home. She wanted to go back to New York, it was cold but not -this- cold. She didn't want to come here. At first, she hated it here when she at about 10. Things were so different here. Pern had dragonriders and so many more things. Then Pern began to grow on her. She never -did- like change very much, especially as drastic as going to a new planet and calling it home. Pern wasn't -her- home yet. She tried to learn others cultures. They didn't have books here, yet. No marks....trade only. It was like living in Earth's history.

She sighed and sat by the warmth of the lake on a rock. She saw very few dragons and people. They were probably inside before it gets too cold outside while she has to wheather the cold outside. It wasn't fair.....all the others had a nice and warm weyr or close to go to but her. She looked at the stuff that she gathered with disgust. She sighed again and put the stuff back. She wanted to change but she didn't know how.

Ten long months had passed by in a flash of time for Aria since the day her demanding and possesive lifemate had found her that day on the sands. Finscoth was bigger now than when she'd first hatched, but she was still smaller than her green siblings. It bothered Aria some days how easily her green got sick or hurt, but she loved Finscoth and would never want another dragon no matter what. She'd had more than her share of troubles with the Geneticists since then but she'd handled it very well in her opinion. Then there was the troubles with her cousin Tylar that she was still working through and the even more confusing problem of Asdra. All this whirlling through her mind as she walked around the lake, hoping to clear her mind. With the weather the way it was, Fin had been forced to stay indoors because of her joint problems. Aria knew the green was frustrated, but it was necissary so that she didn't get ill again.

I'm sorry I can't be like my siblings so that you'd have a healthy lifemate.

Aria paused, then blinked. She couldn't believe what her dragon had just said. 'Fin, I love you, never doubt that. I don't mind that you're so high maintainence, I wouldn't want you any other way. I'd like it if you could be healthy more often so you wouldn't have to be cooped up so much, but I'd never wish you were anyone else. Alright?'

The green's sigh floated through her mind, but her agreement was clear. She knew Aria loved her, just as she loved Aria. There would never be another for either of them, but sometimes Finscoth wondered if her chosen would have been better off if she'd never broken her egg that day. Shaking her head to clear the dark thoughts away, the green focused on the thoughts in her lifemate's mind. Aria was an interesting one, always thinking about this and that and worrying over such strange things. IT amused the green to no end and also frustrated her sometimes. But that was another matter. Now she could sense Aria's awareness of a young woman near the lake. Hopefully Aria would socialize well, if not...well Finscoth had her ways.

Aria looked up and spotted Tiaholt and curiously paused. "Might I ask what it is you're doing out here? Aren't you cold?"

Tiaholt thought herself as such a wretch. She shivered a little.

"Yes, I am but I don't deserve warmth. I'm a terrible person." Tiaholt said, "I steal from other people and I can't stop! I -want- to but I don't know how. Please help me to stop this disgusting habit. I would like to become a dragonrider but if I keep just absently pick up stuff without knowing it, I can't do that. Oh, what have I become!?" she cried.

She huddled close to herself to get warm and the warmth of the lake didn't seem to help. She coughed and sniffed. The cough was a dry one and one that had congestion.

"I saw just came out because I wanted to stretch my legs....I-I didn't know I would end up here. What do you to keep warm in this place?" she asked finally when she was chilled to the bone. "It's cold out." she stated the obvious. The fog hadn't lifted yet or has come back. "I find myself not sleeping well. I wake up every morning at the same time and even then it too cold to do do anything so I just sit there with mt canine and Arikyu looking at me strange. I hate the cold....always have." Tiaholt said, plainly and sighed.

She looked at Aria. "You sure are pretty. I like your hair." she smiled.

Aria looked at the pitiful heap of a young woman in front of her. She was obviously cold and getting sick in the very least. Why didn't she go inside?! Was she a candidate or a coloinst? It didn't matter, because any sane person would know to go inside on a day like this. She hadn't seemed to really acknowledge her either, more like she moved because she had to. And she complained over a problem that could be fixed. 'This person wants to bond to a dragon? Ha! Those fools will take one look at her and run in the opposite direction. She hates herself, probably doesn't know what she even wants for herself. I doubt she's done anything but what others expect her to do. Like steal. And then she tries to compliment me like she expects it'll make her outburst disappear. And she blurts out everything wrong with her to a stranger; talk about needing therapy.' She snorted and stalked forward to do the one thing that she felt this young woman deserved.

SMACK!!

Aria's mahogany eyes flashed almost red in the sunlight. "Now you listen here, Girl, if you think sitting out here while you wait to freeze to death and feeling sorry for yourself over a problem that you CAN fix if you wanted to, then you don't deserve to be near dragons, let alone be a dragonrider. A dragon won't Impress someone who thinks so little of themselves. They want someone they can rely on, someone they can trust to take care of them." And Aria would know with how sickly her dragon was. Straightening her shoulders, Aria continued to do the one thing this poor excuse of a girl probably needed the most. "Picking stuff up that doesn't belong to you is stealing, and it sounds like a bad habit for you. Bad habits can be fixed, but not if you're going to cry and moan and complain about them to others. It's something you have to want to stop doing."

Jyluu arrived then and chirped a greeting to her green daughter. She was happy to see Arikyu, even if her Pet was a little...well off. Landing gracefully on Aria's shoulder, the gold surveyed the scene before her. What kind of person was this, the one her daughter had chosen?

Aria shook her head. "The gold is Jyluu, and even she senses something off about you. You want to Impress a dragon? You have to be prepared to care about someone more than your own life or the lives of others. You ahve to be prepared to do whatever it takes to keep that dragon alive and happy. Can you do that the way you are? I don't think so. But do you want to change? Tell me now, and don't cry when you do. Stand up, look me in the eye and answer my question. Do you really want to be a dragonrider?"

A faint voice floated through her mind. Are you really one who can be worthy? Would you be able to handle one such as I no matter how different? Do you really want to be a dragonrider?

If Aria was suprised that her green had spoken to the girl, she didn't show it. More it increased her desire to get the truth from this girl.

Shocked at the smack on her face, it jostled Tia enough to straighting up, to stop sniveling and start to do something about it. She had heard her words and something else....she didn't understand...it almost sounded like a voice inside her head. She stood up, with shoulders back.

Tiaholt had made a complete 180 turn after Aria's smack. "Thank you, Ma'am, I needed that." She was respectful. She looked in Aria eye. "Who was that I heard in my head? Am I going crazy?" Tiaholt consider a moment.

Tiaholt still had her thick New York accent, even though she moved a long time ago. It was incredible to think that -she- could be the next dragonrider. It was exciting to have a dragon.

"I would like to be a dragonrider, yes." She sounded proud. "Are there any healers about? I'm sorry about the sniveling..ma'am. I am going to need some help with my uh bad habit. What would you suggest? Personally, I think very highly of myself. I try not to think anything bad and if do, its hard for me to pick myself up."

Tiaholt put her hand to he cheek, which still stung. She put her thumb on the other side of her face and rubbed the cheek that she hit with her fingers.

"Boy, you /really/ wholloped me, didn't you?" she scoffed and shook the stining off.

Aria sighed at the improved additude then snorted at what it changed into. "That's definitely better than you were, and I'd better not hear anymore sniveling from you either or I'll let Finscoth sit on you. That's the voice you heard, by the way. It belongs to my green, and I'm suprised she even talked to you at all with how you were acting.

She's excited about the idea of being a dragonrider, Aria. You must make her understand this isn't all fun and games. Bonding to one of my kind is a lifelong commitment and it can be deadly if something goes wrong.

Aria nodded. 'I'll tell her Fin.' She shook her head before focusing on the girl again. "You don't need a doctor, I didn't hit you that hard and your problem can't be fix with medication. It's a habit, you have to break it, I can't really help you with it other than to tell you to find something you like doing more than stealing. Like a hobby or something. Maybe training your little lady there would help. I know it took a lot of my time when I trained Jyluu and now I have Kiddo too. Dragonets are a huge responsibilty, just like any other pet you have. They need specific care or they can get sick or even die. Caring for your green should give you enough to do without stealing and if you forget to do it, you won't want to do it."

The blue in question peaked out from the inside of his Pet's shirt, chirped once, then darted back under again. If he bothered Aria with his choice of a spot, it didn't know.

Aria shook her head again, smiling at the blue, before continuing. "It's good that you can tell me truthfully that you want to be a dragonrider, but it's not so good that you think so highly of yourself that when you do something bad you get depressed like this. Give yourself a chance to figure out who you are. Don't try to be the best, just be yourself. Don't think you have to act like some noble idiot to Impress a dragon. Just be yourself, no one else." She shook her head, not knowing why it was she was helping in the first place. "Also, Fin said she sensed excitement from you at the thought of being a dragonrider and told me to warn you that it's not all glamor and easy times. You have the chance that the dragon you Impress, if you do Impress, will be deformed or sickly or even die on the sands after Impressing you. The dragon could die learning to fly for from any number of things and either take you with it, or leave you as a half-alive person that everyone feels sorry for. So I ask again, are you sure you understand all that it means to want this?"

Tiaholt thought for a moment and was silent for a while afterwards. Then carefully choosing her words, she spoke. She sighed. There was much love in her eyes when she spoke of this subject.

"Your a Greenrider!? Wow!" she sounded excited. "I will work on training my little Green." Arikyu hunched down and growled at Tiaholt. It was a low 'you better behave' growl. She chirped a greeting at her mother and crooned with reassurance.

"Yes, I still want to become one. I don't care if Impress a deformed or a sickly one. I will love it all the same. Please, it means a lot to me. I want to go inside and get warm. Can I meet your dragon once inside?" she asked.

Tia smiled. She never really laughed anymore. She saw no reason to. Arikyu sensed that she needed her help to change and to do that she would have to sacrifice one thing. Her stealing. It was worth giving that up for a better life but she had to work hard to break her bad habit and even harder if she Impressed.

"I am willing to do what ever it takes to do just that. It would be worth it just loving a dragon.....even if I do lose my life or it......dies and I live. At least it was loved for a little while. If I die, what will happen to my dragonet? Will she die too?" She sounded -very- sad at this point. "And my canine? Who will take care of them?"

Tiaholt held back the tears.

[OOC - Warning: Aria is NOT a nice person normally. She snaps at EVERYONE and is very protective of her dragon since Fin's health is so fragile. And Finscoth isn't a very nice dragon either, though at the moment she's ill. Also, if it seems like I'm picking on YOU in the roleplay, I'm really NOT. It's just how Aria's personality is. Your posts are really good. I know you probably already realize this but I'm just making sure since I've hurt people's feelings on accident before when Aria's temper got out of hand.]

Aria barely held in a sigh at how fast the moods of this girl in front of her kept changing. Happy, upset, determined, or too proud - Aria wished she'd settle a bit and give her a break. It was giving her a headache. This girl was asking so much, and really not giving anything. But at least she was trying and so Aria couldn't really get too angry at her...Well she technically could but it would serve no purpose for either of them excpet to maybe cause this girl that wanted to be a dragonrider to cry again and that was something Aria most certainly didn't want to see. 'She's still so chipper though. It makes my skin crawl just being near her, and what's worse...I think she thinks I like her. What am I going to do? I don't mind telling her what she can do to help herself, but I think she wants me to be her 'best buddy' or something equally idiotic. Either way, I have to say something to her. Control your temper Aria, she doesn't mean to be so moody. You can do this.'

With a brief shake of her head, Aria focused again on the girl she was stuck speaking with; and to think, she'd only wanted to clear her head a bit when she'd decided to walk near the lake. Finally after a long period of silence, Aria was able to talk to the girl again without seeming too irratated. "First off, I'd like to go inside since it is so cold. Unfortunetely though, I can't allow you near my dragon right now, or anyone else really. Finscoth is very ill right now and if anyone outside of me got near her she could get worse and die. Now if you want that to happen, then fine I'll introduce you, but since I'd bet you don't want that, I'd rather if we did something else." She shook her head again. "And don't think depressing thoughts unless something serious is going on. It's one thing to say you'd accept the same things I've been forced to, and another thing to live with it everyday. You've got the time to grow up a bit before the next hatching, use it, or the only thing that will choose you will be a codgery old rattlesnake." Her words were cruel, she knew, but this girl had her head in the clouds if she thought she'd accept whatever came her way so easily with the way she was now. She needed to get stronger, and Aria's irratated method might be the only way.

Then came the moodswings again. "Okay don't cry or anything. Worry about changing yourself in the now before you think about what might be. If you Impress, don't think anything bad will happen or it will. And your dragonet would likely either go wild or pick someone else to take care of her, someone close to you, if you died. And the dog would be adopted out."

Tiaholt sighed. She liked Aria but she had the feeling that she -didn't- like her. An uneasy silence filled the air between the two. She couldn't force anyone to like her. No one really did with her bad habit.

"Another thing, Greenrider. You wonder why I am out here almost every day? Well, I will tell you. My father has been missing for the last three sevendays and frankly I am hoping that he will return. I get the idea that you don't like me very much and can gather why. I just want to know to be prepared, that's why I want to see her. I know it takes a lot of responsiblity and I raised Boop ever since he was a pup and -he- turned out alright. I think I can handle little Arikyu here. I'll have to get all better now. I'm coming down a cold. That's why I wanted to see a doctor. I surely don't want to see your green get even more sickly and possibly........." she couldn't say it. "Let me tell you something a bit about myself, Miss. I am full of spit and vinager and I am would like some respect. I love dragons and I think having one is the most beautiful thing on the face of Pern. Sickly, deformed...I don't care what they are or how they come out of the egg. _I_ _will_ _love_ _that_ _dragon, no.......matter.......what!" she was serious about this. "If its born and dies after impression, well then I guess you won't have to worry about me, ever again because I'll be dead along with my dragon! I would not want to live if that happened. To have everyone looking at me, feeling sorry for me or pointing at me. I don't expect you to like me nor expect you to know my reasons why. Yes, I am proud and yes I am confident but at least you know I care and love -all- animals and will do -anything- to help them survive." Tiaholt headed towards the Candidate Barracks.

Tiaholt was dead serious.

Aria sighed. 'Still so moody, she has to work on that. Maybe I was too hard on her though. I won't apologize but I do need to go after her.' That thought in mind she started on a slow pace after the girl. 'Now what is her name...?'

Tiaholt, her name is Tiaholt. Do I need to talk to her Aria? She seems to be getting angry at you.

Aria snorted at that. 'I don't really care if she gets angry or not if I can get through to her.' She stopped walking and considered the green's words for a moment. 'You know what, Fin, YOU talk to her. I've got a headache from all the moodswings.' The greenrider then turned on her heal and headed for the kitchens to get something warm to drink before she went back to her dragon.

Finscoth sighed, slightly frustrated with her lifemate. She couldn't really be mad at Aria though. After all, the entire reason Aria'd been so hard on the candidate was because she was so worried about her. Calmly the green reached out and let her mind touch Tiaholt's. Your name is Tiaholt, is it not? May I call you Tia, that's much prettier in my opinion. Her mind voice grated slightly, making it appearent she was ill. Still, she wanted to talk to this one with such an odd mind. I know you hear me, Girl. I am Finscoth, I spoke to you earlier. I won't apologize for my lifemate's treatment of you but I will say that Aria hasn't been herself lately since I became ill. She normally might have toned down the sarcasm and frustration from her tones by now. She wasn't trying to make you angry or upset, her temper is her way of protecting herself. The green paused then chuckled. And by the way, next time you meet someone and decide to tell them your life story, you may want to give them your name first. The green was definitely amused, but she didn't sound as if she was making fun of Tiaholt, merely stating a fact she found interesting. The green was very different from her rider, and strange as it was, it might very well be Finscoth that fixed the problem this day.

Tiaholt was New York. Even out in the counrtryside, people were harsh. She was very capable holding her own.

"I am not some toy to be pushed around!" She paced back and forth angrily in her room. She heard Fin's voice inside her head again. "Tia's fine and yes, I remember. Why can't your rider understand that I know what kind of responsiblities that go into being a dragonrider. I am -very- capable of being one....I wasn't attacking her! I simply wanted to get my point across that being a dragonrider means more to me than life itself. I don't know how to explain my feelings as to why." she said. "I have a dragonet -and- a canine. What more proof does she need?" her NY accent was thick. "Doesn't she have any sense of damn compassion!?"

Tiaholt wasn't hurt. She wasn't angry. Just frustrated in the way Tia handled it. "I should have been nicer to her. I need to relax! Do you have an ideas?"

She was at her wits end and almost pulling her hair out. She growled. Even though she has been here most of her life, she still found it strange and would possibly never get used to the life here. She didn't want to go home, that was too easy. One confilct after another....that was her life. A petty thief. Nothing more.

"What am I even doing here?" Tiaholt asked. She shook her head. "Who am I? What am I? I'm not even sure. The greenrider's right about one thing though, I do need to have a hobby. I don't want to ask her if she would help me with Arikyu oh no...what would she say to that!? She's already angry at me..." Tiaholt siad. "and I -don't- want to make her even MORE angry."

Boop and Arikyu approached. They both whimpered and they tried to console her as best they could. Tiaholt smiled and stroked them both on the head.

"I'll be alright. I'm just confused, that's all. Do I really want this. Oh, guys.....I don't know. I need to find out, but how?" Tiaholt asked herself and Fin. "Oh, guys....I don't know. Can I really cope with possiblly losing a life long partner like a dragon?" She began to doubt her choice. "Can I be really be complete with just Ari and Boop? These thing I need to find out. Find out who I am and what I am, I'm NOT a thief."

Arikyu growled.

"Don't you worry love. My thieving days are over. If I don't get help soon, I'll never get that dragon." She sighed. "Oh, sorry...I didn't mean any disrepect to your kin, Fin."

The green sighed. Aria was right, you are difficult. First of all, I'd like to ask that you calm down please, Tia. I will remind you that I am ill and don't need to be stressed out. I'm agreeing to help you, dear girl, so please try and be calm and listen to what it is I am saying. I'm not here to judge you, after all, merely to help. If you want my help, that is. It's all up to you Tia. You make the decision here, not me or Aria or anyone else. The green let out an annoyed growl at the way Tia was speaking about her lifemate. And another thing, please hold your tongue when you wish to speak ill of my rider. After all, if she had no compassion, would she have spoken to you in the first place? Would she have gone out of her way to snap you out of your self-induced depression. Would she, even now, be asking me how you are doing? I don't think so. The problem with my Aria isn't that she has no compassion, its that she cares too much. If you'd calm down for a moment and really look at the situation, you'd see that too.

Fin stretched a bit on her bedding, listening to the grumbling from Aria's mind for a moment before focusing again on the young woman at hand. Listen to me, Little One, if you listen to no one else. No one that has come or ever will come will ever now what to expect when they Impress a dragon. No human knows what kind of responsibility it really is until they themselves Impress. It is not something that can be taught, it is something you simply know once your dragon chooses you. And also, having pets doesn't help you learn to care for a dragon, we are much different. And nothing should be more important to you than your live, Tia. If you go onto the sands thinking that way, your lifemate will run screaming in the opposite direction from you because she will fear you will kill yourself. We are very sensitive when young and you will have to learn to control yourself before you ever gain the chance to step out onto those sands. And I am not trying to be cruel to you, Tia, I am merely stating the facts as they stand.

The green paused again to listen to the colorful ranting of her lifemate before speaking again to Tia. Listen, if you want her to help you, wait a bit so that both of you have the chance to calm down, then go to her and apologize. She'll likely do the same and then you can ask her to help you with Arikyu. She snorted at the girl's final statement. Also, Tia dear, you don't catch a dragon, they catch you. That last comment sounded almost like a joke.

"I just think its best for me to forget about the dragonrider business at least for now." Tiaholt told Fin. "I need to figure out what I need to do and to rediscover who I am. However, I will listen to you." She sighed. Tia chuckled.

"I need to go to the doctor and find out what I have..I need to take care of myself. You are wise, Finscoth and I am sorry if I have offended you in any way. Thank you for this talk and thank Aria for that smack in the face. I needed it. It made me realize that I need to be more careful about me and it help me out more that you two know." Tiaholt was serious about this. "You made me realize that what a cad I have been. It's ironic that how powerful a meeting with a greenrideand her dragon can be."

Tiaholt hoped that her father was out there somewhere but she didn't need to threaten how own life.